As we enter our third week of the new year 2023, I have been thinking of the things this on-going Pandemic (endemic) has left us with. And one of those things is an increase in loneliness. Or, to put it another way, the loss of friendship.
Forced isolation broke ritual: the ritual of going out with friends to eat, the ritual of going to yoga or exercise classes, the ritual of attending sports events, the ritual of meeting for coffee or a drink, the ritual of going into the work-place, the ritual of regular extended family Sunday dinner and, of course, the ritual of attending Sunday worship. These are just some of the many things which brought us into face-to-face relationship with others.
Even as things slowly return to a somewhat normal pace of existence, we seem to have lost the art of friendship. As noted by Arthur Brooks’ column “How We Learned to Be Lonely”, published in The Atlantic, “There seems to be a loss in conversational cues, the ability to read body language, expressing small gestures of care and kindness – all made rusty by lack of use. Friendship is comprised of many such practiced actions, signs and signals of support, shared memories and listening.” We have been forced into new habits which, like bad habits, can be hard to break.
When viewed in biblical terms, friendship, either with God or with another, is a covenant. God established an intimate relationship with Abraham (in Isaiah 41: 8 God refers to Abraham as “my friend”). God established a “face-to-face” relationship with Moses (Exodus 33: 11). And, of course, in Jesus God made relationship an intimate experience for those who walked with him, then and now.
Perhaps we need to re-examine what friendship really means. Going back to Genesis, the biblical drama began with a God who created for the sheer joy of companionship – and even relates how God felt sorry for Adam because he was lonely.
Friendship is at the very centre of Jewish and Christian ideas of creativity, joy and community. It is perhaps the first virtue. We were made for friendship with God, with creation and with each other. In fact, “Friendship with God is not a biblical side story;
rather, it is central to the promises and faithfulness of being a called people,
in which all are friends, companions, intimates, siblings, and beloved. (From Freeing Jesus: Rediscovering Jesus as a Friend, Teacher, Savior, Lord, Way and Presence - Book by Diana Butler Bass).
So, by now you might be asking why I am sharing these thoughts with you? Yes, it is entirely possible that things may never be the same. But many of us have been waiting for some time for the “new” thing which God is doing. Showing us how we need to reconnect to that which was always there.
With buildings closing and members leaving or scattered, all that church people have left is a story of a God who hates aloneness. Perhaps that is the story we need to be focusing on, living out for ourselves and genuinely offering to others as we drift through this lingering endemic and the losses we are living.
Once again, I turn to my “blue box” of comfort and these words:
May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold
in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and
affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your
anam ċara.
— John O’Donohue (anam ċara means “soul friend”)
In the spirit of God’s eternal friendship
Pastor Beryl, DLM